A void is both defined as (noun) a completely empty space and as (verb) being drained away. And that’s what it’s felt like since that full moon in Sagittarius/Gemini: A feeling of a drain plug having been yanked, sucking out all the faith, light, and peace from our souls, leaving us in a darkened empty state of nothingness.
Guttural cries, crumpled in a heap, negotiating with God to just end it all. It happened fast. One moment spent floating in a tank of lovely light to feeling thrown in a dungeon with your demons within hours.
If this was you too, take solace in knowing you weren’t alone and the void is an illusion.
Do you know what else feels like a void? A container, a tunnelled passageway, an incubator. Temporary and protectively healing.
Much like that rollercoaster diving into dark caves causes frightened screams at the amusement park, so too do these moments of spiritual void.
In the darkness our third eyes need a moment to adjust to see. And in those beats we can’t see, we feel incredibly alone, disconnected, despondent.
All the demons can be heard, no longer drowned out by the light of faith. Inside, a silent whisper reminding us to pray through it.
And on the other side of that slow dark tunnel, that rollercoaster bursts out into the brightness down an exciting adventurous dip into the quenching water below.
Much like these states of void. The delight found within the contrasts of dark and light. Between void and illumination. We are enlightened, healed, rebirthed, on the other side of the void.
I, much like so many of you, was submerged in the depths of this void. Uncontrollably ugly crying, taunted by the demons, reminded of all the pain I’d endured, and begging for an end to this all: the pain, the injustice, this life all together.
But like anyone on this journey will tell you, you still have to human as gracefully as possible, despite the multidimensional nature of our lives.
I’ve mentioned my son here before as being a wise soul. He shares the most divine statements of wisdom that I sometimes share here with you too.
This time we hugged before starting his homework. I broke down ugly crying again. He asked me why was I crying? I was honest with him and told him that I didn’t know. That it had been happening all day. So he hugged me for a moment then looked at me: “Mama, maybe you’re crying out all the things you couldn’t cry about when you were younger.”
And you know, he’s right.
When we are plunged into darkness, we all become frightened children. Logically we know we are fine. But our inner children are amplified in the darkness. It’s why so many scream or gasp when the lights go out. Those stories we believed as children about the boogeyman, or our unworthiness, are the baseline program running behind the scenes. When the security patches of faith, logic, love & light disconnect, the original flawed programming becomes apparent.
When Baby Bear told me this, I had a choice: allow myself the space to cry and feel whatever it was, or chastise myself to get over it. So I gave myself permission to cry her little girl heart out. And then a strange thing happened.
She stopped crying. She just wanted an acknowledgment that she was still here. The ache of emptiness slowly lifted.
In the quantum realm, time is nonlinear. This means everything is happening now. Our childhood selves are suffering right now. Our future selves are experiencing wisdom now. Everything is now, in life and death. So when our inner child is crying, they are crying now from our past.
Often the only one we had to love us was our future selves. The only words of support come from the inner monologue of the future or past self.
When your demons rage in your mind chanting your unworthiness, consciously chant back your own divinity louder. “You’re worthless trash” “NO! I am worthy of great things!”
Sometimes the only thing that brings strength to our childhood selves is the words of wisdom intentionally sent telepathically from our present/future self.
With love, compassion, kindness, and faithful wisdom.
And sometimes that wisdom comes from the mouth of babes.
All is Well, I promise.
💖Z
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